I'm.In.Counseling

Yep...you read me right. I finally gave in and thought it might be helpful to speak with someone who could listen to me objectively and help figure out how to get me out of this rut. Or frame of mind. Or whatever it is that's causing me to lose sleep.

My biggest hesitation when it came to seeking out a counselor is that I hate dragging up EVERY LITTLE THING from the past. And they do. Been there, done that.

I have an issue. That doesn't mean my parents are to blame. And I become very defensive on this topic because I happen to think I have the best parents ever. It doesn't mean they are perfect (they aren't), but they have done everything within their control to love me, provide for me and raise me up in the best way they knew how. So...don't attack my parents! I get very defensive. I got very defensive.

What did I learn this week? I never learned how to set boundaries or make decisions as a child; therefore, I've made some pretty poor decisions as an adult. Newsflash! And evidently this is all my dad's fault for being so strict and always telling me what to do instead of letting me have an opinion or choose.

Also, due to all of the spankings I received as a child (which were quite necessary based on the stories I've been told), I chose to stop my behaviors out of fear instead of recognizing what was right or wrong. Does this sound a little suspect to anyone else? I can see the mentality behind it, but come on...a 4 year-old child that is throwing a fit is not going to choose to stop throwing a fit because he/she recognizes it's bad behavior. However, a good spanking will show that child that the behavior is wrong and they will straighten up. This is where I will defer back to God's Word in Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." This is a point where I will agree to disagree with my counselor.

My homework for the next two weeks: Self-Differentiation. How's that for some counseling lingo? My job is to recognize my thoughts and my feelings for what they are. To recognize other's thoughts and feelings for what they are. And to NOT project my thoughts and feelings on others. This should be fun.

We'll start here...I'm pretty sure this blog has rambled on long enough; therefore, you must be bored out of your mind. :)