Romanced by God

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."- Isaiah 55:12

I'm beginning to understand why Jesus so often escaped to the mountains to be alone and spend time with his Heavenly Father in prayer. I recently returned from a quick trip to Colorado where I spent a couple of days in the mountains. There is something about being surrounded by God's amazing creation that reminds me of how insignificant I am. Not to God...just in general.

Although I lived in Colorado for a short while, I have never gotten used to the feelings that overwhelm me every time I stare up at the mountains, or admire the milky way of stars in the night sky. When I am in the middle of nature, everything else suddenly fades away and all of my senses are heightened. I can see the splendor of the mountains, hear the rushing rivers, feel the wind on my face, smell the wildflowers and grasses. And I'm humbled when I realize that this is all part of God's invitation for me to step into His presence and experience His creation that was made just for my pleasure. None of this beauty was necessary. It was a gift. He knew that I would be His little nature girl...that I would feel closest to Him when I was surrounded by His majestic creation. And it's in these quiet moments that I let my Heavenly Father romance me.

I embrace the bouquet of flowers spreading out over the valleys; I listen to His quiet whispers that are carried in the wind; I admire the strength of his hands in the formation of the mountains; I am refreshed by His creation and I know that I am loved.

A Simpler Time

I recently started re-reading a trilogy that has been sitting on my bookshelf for far too long. Yes, you heard me right...I'm RE-reading a trilogy! I am very open with the fact that I am a book worm, word nerd, you fill in the blank. This particular book has drawn me back to it time and time again. The trilogy of "The Hawk and the Dove" is about a group of 13th century monks who are learning to love and to accept God's grace. Though they belonged to another century, their struggles are our own - finding our niche; coping with failure; overcoming pride and anger, pain and insecurity; determining who we are before God. In their daily rhythm of work and worship, they discover that the whole of life is a love story about a tender and passionate God.

I have always found myself drawn to stories of the olden days where life was full of hard work yet simplistic in nature. The monks at St. Alcuins knew the value of working with their hands to provide for their daily needs. Much like the Amish community, the monks were very self-sufficient and were able to provide everything they needed within their own small community. I can only imagine the satisfaction they felt at the end of the day when they could sit back and see all of the vegetables produced from their garden and the bales of hay that had been harvested. It must be similar to the feeling I get after having spent all day working in the yard. There is nothing I enjoy more than sitting on the front porch and admiring a freshly mown lawn or piles of pine straw that have been raked underneath a tree in the fall. I can clearly see the fruits of my labor. I'm pretty sure they had no need for sleep medications after a hard days work either. And this is when it dawned one me why I'm so drawn to this book and these stories - I long for less. I miss the days when life had nothing to do with status, but simply survival. Just "being" was enough.

So much of life is spent in complete waste; not really accomplishing much of anything. And instead of simply working for what we need, we focus on making more money than we need so we can overindulge in the things of this world that truly don't fill us. We buy more clothes, eat at fancy restaurants, go on extravagant vacations, and yet, we still long for something more. Perhaps it's the simple truth that life is not about things, but about a loving God who continually pursues us and longs for us to draw closer to Him. He says in Isaiah 58:11, "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." We are told that He will provide for us if we simply trust in Him. I pray that God will reveal to me the excesses in my life so that I can get back to the basics and focus on His simple truth.

Tough Love: Part Deux

So I've discovered that my self-diagnosis for being single was only half accurate. According to the flirtatious casting director, I'm acting flat out desperate for a man, which is sending them running. So why is it that the guys I don't like stick to me like super glue? Why does my desperation not scare them away as well? Things to ponder as I continue to walk around with my heart on a platter.

My roommate informed me several months ago that I am just too available. She literally does an awesome impersonation of me offering my heart to someone on a platter, only for it to be stabbed with a fork and left lying on the floor. And what do I do? I pick it up, dust it off, and offer it to the next available bachelor. I believe that would be the definition of insanity: continuing with the same behaviors but expecting a different outcome. I digress. One of these days I will learn to stop putting it all out there right up front and make the guy work to get to know me.

So my interview was supposed to be at 6:30 on Friday evening. When I finally got in to meet with the casting director at 8:30, any nervousness I felt had left and was replaced with complete indifference. He proceeded to ask me why I thought I was single and what I was looking for in a guy (physically) before asking if he was my type. Huh? I found out later that my nutty roommate had told him I thought he was hot. Good to know we caught my embarrassed reaction on camera for all of the directors to watch. He was a self-proclaimed ass, so I don't think I'll have to worry about hearing from him anytime soon. Or the directors of the show. Turns out they are looking for women with a little more drama in their lives. I'm more than happy to leave the past in the past and simply focus on moving forward and figuring out what God's plan is for my life. Whether than involves a man or not, I sure am having fun along the way!

Tough Love

So the story goes a little something like this...last fall my roommate and I decided to designate Sunday evenings as our "family night" since we both stayed so busy and never had a chance to hang out or catch up on life. It just so happened that this new show called "Tough Love" was on VH1 so it became our weekly ritual to watch this show together and laugh at all of the drama. The premise of the show is that Steve Ward, an LA matchmaker, would send a select group of women out on dates to figure out what they were doing wrong so he could help them find the right kind of guy. The more we watched the show, the more we were convinced that we needed to be on the show!

So...when the season was over, we randomly got online and filled out applications to be on Season 2. At the time, it just seemed like something fun to do, and we honestly didn't think anything would come out of it. WRONG! This week, both my roommate and I received an email inviting us to an Invite Only Casting Call Mixer here in Dallas. With hearts beating wildly, adrenaline sky high, and nerves on edge, we got all dolled up and went to the casting call with about 50 other women at a local lounge. It would be an understatement to say that it was definitely not our "usual" crowd. From the moment we walked in, we had women all over the room checking us out and sizing up the competition. Gotta love women and all of their drama!!! I don't know what I would have done had I not had my wing-man there with me. Love you roomie!

We did meet some nice girls, as we had to join up with four other women for our interviews. It basically amounted to the casting director (who was way too cute for his own good) asking the group questions and we went around one by one and answered. Considering that I was the oldest in my group by 5 years, I felt oddly confident. Perhaps it was knowing that I had more experience under my belt, or maybe it was just the fact that I'm 30, flirty, and fabulous and I finally know who I am and what I'm looking for. :) We had to share what our issues were and how we thought we would be labeled by the matchmaker. Hmm...if I knew, I probably wouldn't be single. Ha!

On a serious note, I've had to do a lot of thinking lately about my hang-ups and why I think I'm single. The conclusion I've come to is that my signals are reversed. When I meet someone that I really like, I tend to get obsessive, analytical and emotionally needy within about 60 seconds. As my friends have told me, a guy can smell desperation from a mile away and they take the first available U-turn. On the flip side, when I'm not interested in someone, I quit trying. I'm cool, calm and collected and completely independent and confident in who I am and then the guy falls madly in love with me. PROBLEM!!! Not quite sure how to fix this, which is why I'm hoping they pick me for the show! I currently have an on-camera interview this evening, so stay tuned for more drama!