Meanderings...

I am right smack in the middle of a "Felicity" marathon. For the past few days, I've been glued to my television, reliving every torturous moment of my adolescence via Felicity Porter and her friends. For those of you who have never seen this show, it's painfully awkward. Picture "The Office", only set in the midst of college. I don't know what caused me to dig up this old DVD collection, much less spend countless hours watching it. What I do know is that my current life is still eerily reminiscent of the person I was back then.

Yes, I've grown up. I've matured and managed to persevere through some life-changing experiences. And I'm still living and learning. But deep inside, I'm reminded that I am still an insecure child who is trying to find my purpose in life. I still find myself feeling lost more often than not. Which leads me to my random meandering of the day...do we ever feel found? Like we belong? Likes things are as they should be?

For years, I've bought into the lie that if I could just find a husband and have my own family, that I would finally be fulfilling my purpose in life and have a place in this world. However, I have friends who have been blessed with marriage and babies who still struggle with feelings of incompleteness. I'm reminded of God's word in Luke 9:58 when Jesus says "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." I think God has placed this gaping sense of being lost (I will call it my own personal black hole) within me to draw me closer to my Heavenly Father. To remind me that this is not my home, no matter who I marry, how many children I have, where I live or what I do. All of this will pass away and I cannot look for belonging or contentment in this world.

Not exactly the most felicitous thought for the day. However, I will leave you with one of my favorite happy songs of the moment. Nothing pumps me up like listening to David Crowder's song "Oh, Happiness". Go forth, live life to the fullest, and be happy - for though we may not belong, we win!

Oh, happiness
There is grace
enough for us
And the whole human race

From the full streams
Of Your care
All who come
Begin again

Hard or friend
Rich or poor
All who need
Need fear no more

Such a thing to give away

All regrets
Let go, forget
There's something that
Mends all of that

Sound the church bells
Let 'em ring
Let 'em ring
For everything can be redeemed
We can be redeemed All of us