I'M LIVE!!!

Just a quick little update to let my followers know that I have finally launched my new photography website. I'm still building up my portfolio and looking for new business, so if you want pictures taken or know of anyone, please feel free to pass them along.

http://www.jaimepphotography.com/

Romanced by God

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."- Isaiah 55:12

I'm beginning to understand why Jesus so often escaped to the mountains to be alone and spend time with his Heavenly Father in prayer. I recently returned from a quick trip to Colorado where I spent a couple of days in the mountains. There is something about being surrounded by God's amazing creation that reminds me of how insignificant I am. Not to God...just in general.

Although I lived in Colorado for a short while, I have never gotten used to the feelings that overwhelm me every time I stare up at the mountains, or admire the milky way of stars in the night sky. When I am in the middle of nature, everything else suddenly fades away and all of my senses are heightened. I can see the splendor of the mountains, hear the rushing rivers, feel the wind on my face, smell the wildflowers and grasses. And I'm humbled when I realize that this is all part of God's invitation for me to step into His presence and experience His creation that was made just for my pleasure. None of this beauty was necessary. It was a gift. He knew that I would be His little nature girl...that I would feel closest to Him when I was surrounded by His majestic creation. And it's in these quiet moments that I let my Heavenly Father romance me.

I embrace the bouquet of flowers spreading out over the valleys; I listen to His quiet whispers that are carried in the wind; I admire the strength of his hands in the formation of the mountains; I am refreshed by His creation and I know that I am loved.

A Simpler Time

I recently started re-reading a trilogy that has been sitting on my bookshelf for far too long. Yes, you heard me right...I'm RE-reading a trilogy! I am very open with the fact that I am a book worm, word nerd, you fill in the blank. This particular book has drawn me back to it time and time again. The trilogy of "The Hawk and the Dove" is about a group of 13th century monks who are learning to love and to accept God's grace. Though they belonged to another century, their struggles are our own - finding our niche; coping with failure; overcoming pride and anger, pain and insecurity; determining who we are before God. In their daily rhythm of work and worship, they discover that the whole of life is a love story about a tender and passionate God.

I have always found myself drawn to stories of the olden days where life was full of hard work yet simplistic in nature. The monks at St. Alcuins knew the value of working with their hands to provide for their daily needs. Much like the Amish community, the monks were very self-sufficient and were able to provide everything they needed within their own small community. I can only imagine the satisfaction they felt at the end of the day when they could sit back and see all of the vegetables produced from their garden and the bales of hay that had been harvested. It must be similar to the feeling I get after having spent all day working in the yard. There is nothing I enjoy more than sitting on the front porch and admiring a freshly mown lawn or piles of pine straw that have been raked underneath a tree in the fall. I can clearly see the fruits of my labor. I'm pretty sure they had no need for sleep medications after a hard days work either. And this is when it dawned one me why I'm so drawn to this book and these stories - I long for less. I miss the days when life had nothing to do with status, but simply survival. Just "being" was enough.

So much of life is spent in complete waste; not really accomplishing much of anything. And instead of simply working for what we need, we focus on making more money than we need so we can overindulge in the things of this world that truly don't fill us. We buy more clothes, eat at fancy restaurants, go on extravagant vacations, and yet, we still long for something more. Perhaps it's the simple truth that life is not about things, but about a loving God who continually pursues us and longs for us to draw closer to Him. He says in Isaiah 58:11, "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." We are told that He will provide for us if we simply trust in Him. I pray that God will reveal to me the excesses in my life so that I can get back to the basics and focus on His simple truth.

Tough Love: Part Deux

So I've discovered that my self-diagnosis for being single was only half accurate. According to the flirtatious casting director, I'm acting flat out desperate for a man, which is sending them running. So why is it that the guys I don't like stick to me like super glue? Why does my desperation not scare them away as well? Things to ponder as I continue to walk around with my heart on a platter.

My roommate informed me several months ago that I am just too available. She literally does an awesome impersonation of me offering my heart to someone on a platter, only for it to be stabbed with a fork and left lying on the floor. And what do I do? I pick it up, dust it off, and offer it to the next available bachelor. I believe that would be the definition of insanity: continuing with the same behaviors but expecting a different outcome. I digress. One of these days I will learn to stop putting it all out there right up front and make the guy work to get to know me.

So my interview was supposed to be at 6:30 on Friday evening. When I finally got in to meet with the casting director at 8:30, any nervousness I felt had left and was replaced with complete indifference. He proceeded to ask me why I thought I was single and what I was looking for in a guy (physically) before asking if he was my type. Huh? I found out later that my nutty roommate had told him I thought he was hot. Good to know we caught my embarrassed reaction on camera for all of the directors to watch. He was a self-proclaimed ass, so I don't think I'll have to worry about hearing from him anytime soon. Or the directors of the show. Turns out they are looking for women with a little more drama in their lives. I'm more than happy to leave the past in the past and simply focus on moving forward and figuring out what God's plan is for my life. Whether than involves a man or not, I sure am having fun along the way!

Tough Love

So the story goes a little something like this...last fall my roommate and I decided to designate Sunday evenings as our "family night" since we both stayed so busy and never had a chance to hang out or catch up on life. It just so happened that this new show called "Tough Love" was on VH1 so it became our weekly ritual to watch this show together and laugh at all of the drama. The premise of the show is that Steve Ward, an LA matchmaker, would send a select group of women out on dates to figure out what they were doing wrong so he could help them find the right kind of guy. The more we watched the show, the more we were convinced that we needed to be on the show!

So...when the season was over, we randomly got online and filled out applications to be on Season 2. At the time, it just seemed like something fun to do, and we honestly didn't think anything would come out of it. WRONG! This week, both my roommate and I received an email inviting us to an Invite Only Casting Call Mixer here in Dallas. With hearts beating wildly, adrenaline sky high, and nerves on edge, we got all dolled up and went to the casting call with about 50 other women at a local lounge. It would be an understatement to say that it was definitely not our "usual" crowd. From the moment we walked in, we had women all over the room checking us out and sizing up the competition. Gotta love women and all of their drama!!! I don't know what I would have done had I not had my wing-man there with me. Love you roomie!

We did meet some nice girls, as we had to join up with four other women for our interviews. It basically amounted to the casting director (who was way too cute for his own good) asking the group questions and we went around one by one and answered. Considering that I was the oldest in my group by 5 years, I felt oddly confident. Perhaps it was knowing that I had more experience under my belt, or maybe it was just the fact that I'm 30, flirty, and fabulous and I finally know who I am and what I'm looking for. :) We had to share what our issues were and how we thought we would be labeled by the matchmaker. Hmm...if I knew, I probably wouldn't be single. Ha!

On a serious note, I've had to do a lot of thinking lately about my hang-ups and why I think I'm single. The conclusion I've come to is that my signals are reversed. When I meet someone that I really like, I tend to get obsessive, analytical and emotionally needy within about 60 seconds. As my friends have told me, a guy can smell desperation from a mile away and they take the first available U-turn. On the flip side, when I'm not interested in someone, I quit trying. I'm cool, calm and collected and completely independent and confident in who I am and then the guy falls madly in love with me. PROBLEM!!! Not quite sure how to fix this, which is why I'm hoping they pick me for the show! I currently have an on-camera interview this evening, so stay tuned for more drama!

New Life!

Welcome to the world Anslee Kate Prewitt!!!

This past weekend, my sister-in-law gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces and was 20 inches long. And she has the biggest hands and feet you've ever seen on a little baby. I'm thinking she might be a basketball player!

Her birth caused me to once again reflect on God's creation and how absolutely amazing He is. Psalm 139:13 says "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." To think that for the past 38 weeks, this little girl has been growing, stretching, and swimming around in Amber's tummy, yet in a matter of seconds, she is a living, breathing, crying, functioning little person. How does she know to take a breath, to open her eyes, to cry when she is unhappy? It's all part of God's intricate plan. And it's amazing! To truly reflect on everything that takes place from conception to birth is mind-boggling and overwhelming.

So I leave a challenge to my sweet little niece and those of you who follow this blog. You are alive because God desired for you to be alive. He predestined you to be a part of His plan from the very beginning and He has great things in store for you. How will you let God "knit your life together" during your time on earth to glorify Him and build up His kingdom?

The Great Divorce

So I'm really struggling through the whole concept of divorce right now. I am one of those fortunate people who have parents who are still together...36 years to be exact! I have had examples of godly marriages all around me growing up. And it's always been my plan to marry one man and spend the rest of my life with him...someday! However, the more I'm putting myself out there in the dating world, I'm realizing this isn't the first time around for many of these men. Whether they made bad decisions when they were young or have experienced infidelity, divorce seems to be more and more prominent.

Do I judge them for their failed marriages? Absolutely not. We all make mistakes. However, when I view this from a biblical perspective, it gets sticky. 1 Corinthians 7 has a lot to say about this topic. My interpretation is: If a man or woman is married to an individual that is a non-believer, who chooses to remain in the relationship, then there are no grounds for divorce. However, if the non-believer wants out, then divorce is acceptable, as they are not bound by these circumstances. Matthew 19 goes on to say that "anyone who divorces his/her spouse, for any reason other than unfaithfulness, and marries another commits adultery." According to scripture, this is pretty black and white. Any reasons other than infidelity or unbelief are not grounds for a biblical divorce. And not only are they not grounds for divorce; it means that if I were to marry someone who falls into this category, then I would be commiting adultery. UGH!

This is where my struggle has been lately. I keep meeting these great guys who have been divorced...and not for biblical reasons. Young and dumb just doesn't seem like a good enough excuse. And I don't see where grace factors into this equation. If God forgives and is the God of second chances, then why can't those who have been divorced have a second chance? I just feel awfully judgmental writing guys off because of the big D. I'm sure there will be more thoughts to come on this topic in the future as I try and discern God's will and figure things out...

It's not about me...

I first heard this phrase years ago when I read "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. The whole premise of his book is that this life is not about me, but about using the time God has given me on this earth to glorify Him and to find my purpose. It was a great book that changed my way of thinking.

Today, however, this simple phrase has a whole different meaning for me. I'm applying it to my recent dating experiences. :) In the past, I have struggled with self-image and perfectionism...constantly worrying about how I'm being perceived and trying to morph myself into the type of person that everyone wants/needs. Needless to say, it hasn't served me well. Perhaps Shakespeare was on to something when he said "to thine own self be true."

This struggle has caught up with me over the past few weeks as I've been out on several dates. I've tried to remain true to myself and just enjoy getting to know new people. However, when I don't get a call back or get asked out on a second date, the first question that pops into my mind is: what is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? And this is where I'm reminded of a simple truth...IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. There are a million factors that could be at play here. Maybe I'm not the guy's type, or perhaps our personalities were just not a good fit. But the truth is, if I believe in God's sovereignty and His plan, then I cannot and should not seek validation from a guy I've met once on a date or base my future happiness on a relationship. "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him." Jeremiah 17:7

My conclusion: it's still ALL ABOUT GOD and not about little old me! Does God desire that I will live a joyful and abundant life? Yep. He even wants to give me all of the desires of my heart. But only if I live a life of dependence on Him. He demands my obedience and my faith in Him. One of my favorite verses that continues to come to mind today is "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth. Give me an undivided heart that I will fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever (even when I'm doubting myself and still think it's about me)." Psalms 86:11-12 :)

Do you ever get the feeling...

...that something just isn't quite right? I've had this nagging feeling for quite some time now. Perhaps it's the fact that my 30th birthday is lurking right around the corner and I'm still living in the land of "limbo". According to Webster, limbo is "a place or state of oblivion to which persons or things are regarded as being relegated when cast aside, forgotten, past, or out of date". My personal favorite definition is "an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place".

Not to be misunderstood, I am very content with my life as it is. God has blessed me with the most amazing family and friends a girl could ask for. However, it doesn't take away the longing deep inside to be made complete. And not just by another physical being, but by the One who created me. This temporary world is tough on single people. Not only are we separated from our Heavenly Father, but due to the fallen world we live in, we've been left without a confidant, a companion, a co-adventurer in life!

I read the following article recently on a Christian website that I felt pinpointed the feelings that I, as well as many other singles, often experience.May we never try to quench the desires that God has placed in our hearts, but recognize that they are from Him and to be used for His glory! I pray that my life of singleness will be of ultimate signifance to Christ and His kingdom.

The "Wailing Siren" of Loneliness by Suzanne Hadley

I suppose it's finally time to admit that I am an extrovert. For years I have been telling people that I am an introverted extrovert. That I recharge with alone time. But I'm pretty sure that's not true anymore.

Take this weekend for example. I deliberately made no plans so that I could get some things done — clean my room and bathroom, mop the kitchen floor, work on a writing project. I turned off my phone. I didn't go on Facebook. I drank an entire French press...twice. By the end of the weekend I was terribly lonely. The absence of people highlighted that empty spot that I suppose is always there.

In his article "The Gift of Loneliness," Peter Nadeau describes that gnawing feeling of alone:If there's an organ in the body that causes loneliness, I'm sure it's located near the stomach. When I'm really hungry I'll eat anything—lettuce, ice, dried pasta, frozen peas. The same is true when I'm lonely. I'll look anywhere or do anything to stop the hunger. I know I'm lonely when I check my e-mail, click on another site, and then check my box again to see if mail came in. Maybe I missed something. Sometimes I dial the voicemail on my cell phone to check for messages, even though the very colorful and accurate display screen reads "no new messages." Maybe the screen messed up. When I get home from work, my first stop is my office to check my phone. Aha! The little green light on my caller ID box is flashing. A new message! I dial into the system. I punch in my code. I wait. I frown. I hang up. Another telemarketer wants to sell me solar heating for my pool.

I can relate. I try to avoid these lonely moments as much as possible. But perhaps loneliness serves an important purpose. Nadeau explains that Adam felt incomplete before Eve, but it allowed him to recognize that God had more for him:

"I know too many singles who pretend they aren't lonely and pretend they don't care about marriage. At times, I fight the same temptation. It's easier to deny the angst of being without a soulmate than to step into the abyss of loneliness. Stifling a desire makes us feel in control; acknowledging a desire makes us vulnerable. Yet a desire that isn't open can't be filled. Adam's experience reminds singles that loneliness is normal and necessary."

This is affirming to me, because often I grow weary of the single life. I want to throw in the towel because everything seems out of place in my life. I took a wrong turn somewhere. I need a new job. I need to change churches. I need new hobbies. I need new friends. I need to move to a new city. Yet when I calm down and take a good look at my life, I realize I actually like my job and my church. I enjoy my hobbies. I value my friends. I love where I live. I'm just out of sorts because I feel unconnected. But it's okay; I should. Adam had the same feeling until God gave him Eve. We're made for so much more. Loneliness is the wailing siren that doesn't let me forget.

The way I chose to deal with my loneliness this weekend was by reading Ephesians 6 and reminding myself of the need to put on the full armor of God. Nadeau points out that loneliness drives us to God:

"Loneliness brings me to a place of submission and surrender. The weight of a lonely heart is too great a burden for me to bear. I struggle, strain, and grit my teeth to carry the load, but it becomes too much. I'm forced to lay it at God's feet and let him carry it. Surrendering our desires for intimacy to God isn't the same as stifling those desires. When we surrender our desires for romance to Christ, we admit we aren't in control of this area of our lives nor do we want to be. We heed his call to patience. We wait for his best. When we kneel before our Father with uplifted hands, we have his promise that when we ask for bread, he won't give us a stone.And ultimately, loneliness isn't a single problem; it's a human problem. God meets our need for community and connection in this life in a variety of ways: marriage, family, Christian fellowship."

But our lonely moments also remind us that this world is not our true home. It's good to remember that now and then.

Penny for your thoughts?

...and that's exactly what mine are worth! :) You've been warned. Due to family and friends being on here, I figured it was time for me to create my own little niche in the online world where I can share my deep thoughts and all of the fun and wacky experiences that I'm having as a single woman in Dallas. Stay tuned to hear more about my life as I know it...