I drive...

Revelation of the week: when everything is not right in my little world, I drive. I literally get in the Jeep, put my foot on the gas and don't stop until I feel better. Does this make me weird?

I used to blame this on the city. I need trees and fresh air to survive so I would drive to where the highway ends, take off down a country road and just soak it all in. Perhaps there is something about the country that gives me a little peace of mind and soothes the soul.

But the tough question remains: where am I going? And what exactly am I running away from?

I drove for over an hour this past weekend. (Good thing gas prices are somewhat reasonable right now!) I was almost to Oklahoma when I finally got everything sorted out in my mind and felt okay enough to turn the car around. Sounds kinda like a country song, now that I think about it. Ha! I'm a funny little person, with odd quirks, but I'm learning to love myself. If driving off into the wild blue yonder is my way of coping, then I'm doing pretty good. Right?

A Bedroom Make-over

This past weekend, I finally decided to get rid of all of the blue and brown in my bedroom. Sure, it's been cozy for the past 2 years, but I was ready for something a little more girly and shall we say, shabby chic! All that to say, I have to seriously apologize for the "before" picture. As a photographer, I'm ashamed to admit that this was the best picture I was able to capture with my camera phone, as I left my big shot camera at the office. However, if I didn't post a "before" picture (no matter how hideous it is), you wouldn't be able to appreciate the after quite as much.

Before (forgive the messiness...I was preparing to paint!)

After

Yes, the blue walls have finally been replaced with a soft gray (Gray Clouds by Sherwin Williams), just in case anyone was curious. And as a birthday present to me, I bought the most A.M.A.Z.I.N.G bedspread ever from Anthropologie! It's seriously made out of sweatshirt material and makes it almost impossible to get out of bed in the morning. And to top things off, I rearranged some of my furniture, scored an adorable desk and chair from Craiglist, and now have room for the coziest little office ever. It just begs me to sit down and write, or edit pictures, or just pretend like I'm Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail". :)

Needless to say, I'm a happy girl in my new sanctuary! Even my new desk lamp/lampshade that was purchased at Tuesday Morning says "My secret place, a place to relax..." Sounds like I may be on to something!

Happy Father's Day!

This is my dad! A man that I love, respect, honor and admire more than I could ever express. A man who lost his own father at a young age, yet still learned what it takes to raise a family, provide for them and love them unconditionally. My dad is one of the hardest workers I know, always willing to provide a helping hand to someone in need. He is a leader in the church, a grandaddy to his grandkids, a husband to my mom. Although we may not have always had the best relationship or communication, I have never doubted his love for me and he is the one person who I know would drop everything to be there for me. Whether it's driving around the deer woods with him, playing a competitive game of UNO, or remembering him standing by my side when I had a back injection, I have been so blessed to have him in my life. Today and always, I am thankful to be able to call this man my dad and I am grateful to God for giving him to me.

Diapers or Depends?

These were the suggestions my counselor made to me this week. As a way to have my need for touch fulfilled, she suggested I find a way to volunteer with children or the elderly. Not a bad idea actually. Babies love to be held and old people love hugs, right? Definitely something to think about. And as far as my need for words of affirmation is concerned...I'm stuck with writing positive things on my bathroom mirror. :) Otherwise, I'm just going to continue trying to find validation in all of the wrong places, and quite frankly...we don't want to go there.

I was also told that I need to figure out who my "safe" people are. For far too long I've been functioning under the premise that everyone is safe because I'm entirely too trusting. It's been a rude awakening to realize that not everyone will love me unconditionally and not judge me once they find out I'm imperfect.

And not to go too far off on a tangent here, but there is a strange freedom that comes when you realize where you fall in the whole scheme of things. God is God and I am not. He is perfect and I am not. The whole purpose of the Old Testament laws were to remind us that we can never live up to them. Perfection is unattainable BUT grace is sustainable. I'm so grateful to have a "safe place" in my Heavenly Father.

Anslee Kate's 1st Birthday!

It is so hard to believe this sweet little girl is turning one on Tuesday! She is such a bundle of joy that is full of giggles and has just about everyone wrapped around her finger. We celebrated her birthday out at the lake with a delicious cake that Amber made and some fun times splashing around in the water.

Random Roommate Moment of the Month

Driving back from East Texas this weekend, my roommate Pam and I realized that the two of us are trouble waiting to happen. And it seems we find ourselves involved in something crazy every month, so this post is in honor of our craziness! We went tubing with my family on Lake Jacksonville and the lightweight actually managed to toss me off the tube. Fun times Pamelita!!!

Viva Las Vegas!

I love Las Vegas! For a million reasons...the masses of people you see wearing completely inappropriate clothes, the sights and sounds of New York, Paris, Venice...the food, the shows, the shopping, the pools, the gambling! It's like one huge adult playground. My only issue with Vegas is the idea that sleep is over-rated. I'm still recovering!

I flew out to Vegas and met up with my friend Lilly and her husband Eric last Thursday evening. We stayed at this awesome resort called Tahiti Village that was a little ways off the strip and spent the majority of our time laying by the lazy river sipping Captain Dew's...my new favorite drink. :) We had our own individual umbrellas for shade as well as a poolside waiter who was very easy on the eyes to bring us our lunch. Does it get any better? We even splurged and had a massage one afternoon, which of course was my favorite part. And in the evenings, we would get all dolled up and hit the town with the masses of people in the hundred degree heat.

Our first night, we decided to visit the "old" Vegas on Freemont Street since Lilly had never been there. Despite being lit up from top to bottom, it has a completely different feel from the "new" strip...not to mention it attracts a completely different crowd of people. Not only did we eat the worst chicken fried steak of our lives, but we found ourselves riding on a public transporation bus that made me turn green. Not exactly a fantastic evening, but we made up for it.

Night #2 was fantastic! We had dinner at Phil's French Italian Steakhouse at Treasure Island, where I had the most mouth-watering chicken fettucine alfredo ever and went to see the Cirque show Mystere. Perhaps I was just buzzed from the wine, but the way these people can contort their bodies is unbelievable. My mouth was literally sagging open throughout the entire show. I took several pictures; however, my camera was confiscated by the security guard and I was forced to delete all of my pictures. WTH? Seeing these people with their amazing bodies definitely gave me the little push I needed to get back into shape. :)

Our final day is Vegas was pretty low-key. We did a little shopping and I majorly lusted over a pair of Dior stilettos that I will never be able to afford. We then had lunch in the ESPN zone, which was deja vu from when I was in Vegas with Lilly and Eric three years ago. And I gambled and made a whopping $25. I know...I'm such a high roller! We had so much fun and I'm already looking forward to our next visit!

His faithfulness endures...

As many of you may/may not know, May 21st marked the 3rd year anniversary of my back surgery. Seems like an odd thing to remember, but believe me...going through a traumatic experience like back surgery and coming out of it pain free was a life changing experience for me. Wait...let me back up, it wasn't exactly pain free. I suffered through the recovery process for almost a full 6 months before feeling like myself again. And as much as I would like to banish those memories from my mind, they linger...

Especially on days like today. Several months ago I started experiencing some pain again. Not actually from my back, but from these massive screws that they placed in my spine to stabilize everything in order for the fusion to take place. I jokingly began telling people that my "hardware hurt" when they would notice me wincing. Ironically, my self-prognosis was right on target. I went back to the Texas Back Institute for the first time in over 2 years yesterday morning. Very deja vu and not exactly enjoyable.

I don't know what I expected. Perhaps the doctor would tell me I needed to slow down, stop playing volleyball, work out more to strengthen my core. Nothing in me was prepared for him to say...SURGERY! Evidently having "hardware pain" is not uncommon. After surgery, a lot of patients will opt to have the hardware removed once the bone has fused solid. WHAT? Did they momentarily forget the pain, the awful recovery time, and lest we all forget...THE . EVIL . BACK . BRACE!!!!!!

I'm choosing to be grateful right now that the pain is manageable. I'm trusting in God's faithfulness, knowing fully that He will continue to take care of me as He always has. Although I do not know what the future holds, I know that God holds my future in His hands. Even when I'm incredibly frustrated, uncertain, and just a little bit mad. :)

Memorial Day Weekend!

What a weekend! I started it off by celebrating my 31st birthday with some of my favorite girlfriends by watching the Sex & the City 2 movie and having some drinks out on the patio at Mi Cocina. It was definitely a fun reason to get dressed up and enjoy a night out on the town.

Then I woke up bright and early on Saturday morning and headed to East Texas to spend the long weekend with my family. It was jam packed, but a whole bunch of fun. We celebrated my birthday over some delicious steaks on Sunday and then Uncle Ray and Aunt Monica took us out on the lake in their barge. It was a beautiful day and Anslee's first time on the lake, and the combination made for some wonderful photo opps.

She took to the water like a little duck!

Yes...that is one very happy Gigi in the background. These two never cease to bring smiles to our faces. :)

Mason got his Grandaddy out on the tube with him and it was quite entertaining...I'm thinking Grandaddy probably can't move today!

This doesn't really need much of an explanation...pure happiness!